Archive for April, 2009

A walk in the park can become a bad dream.

Thursday, April 30th, 2009

My imaginary friends will have already seen this (or at least they should have) but it is just great. And full of the best kinda words – swears.

Soaked in bleach.

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

Ever wanted to pretend you are Robert De Niro but can’t stand the smell of semen on taxi seat vinyl?

Well, now you have an alternative.

Via the magic of the Internet (and a Korean translator) you can play-act as a returned Vietnam vet who aches to return to the days where the power of life (and death) was in your own hands. Of course, there is no real death, just the possible loss of your hearing.

I give (well, not give, more like show) you, Balloon Russian Roulette:

Let's go back to my room.

Apparently, there is a pin in only one of the revolting revolving chambers, so grab a friend, take a deep breath, and see which one of you is blown away.

via Geeky Gadgets.

I Can See You, Can You See Me?

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

Aposematism is about, and I am nicking this from Wikipedia, the warning markings that bumblebees and the like have. So, because of this, we associate certain colours (black, yellow and orange) in a particular way and it gets used on all sorts of warning signs to try and keep us safe from harm.

So, this bumblebee warns other animals not to eat or attack it:

Eric's full brother.

This Bumblebee warns you about raping my childhood memories just to sell inferior toys:

Not a Camaro

These warnings should need no explanation:

It's a blast, Skip.

Which then brings us to the most important device for warning us in these modern times:

Hi-visibility is SAFE.

Yep, the hi-ves vest/jacket.

It is a Godsend for the sane, gentle person who doesn’t want to deal with backward thinking, selfish, illiterate scum (no offence is intended to the models in the stolen pictures above, for all I know they know how to read).

When I see that reflective yellow or orange, I know not to expect original thought (or any thought for that matter) from the psuedo-person incased within. I can safely assume there will be a bunch of stickers approximating the Southern Cross* on the back of their car/truck/ute. I know his/her children’s names will be vowel-less versions of Braydon or Brooklyn.

And, I know I will have nothing in common with or to say to them apart from “Oi, you just ran that red light” or “Jesus Christ, there are two lanes for a reason, dipshit” or “FUCKING HELL DID YOU EVEN SEEN ME BEFORE YOU DID THAT?”, but only from the safety of my car.

* Stay tuned for the launch of my campaign to get the Southern Cross renamed The Bogan Stars

Down, down, down.

Tuesday, April 21st, 2009

If they ever make another theatrical Revenge of the Nerds film or, fuck it, they just remake the first film (which I am sure is happening as I type this although, shockingly, a quick check of the IMDb seems to suggest it isn’t), they should ditch that “One Foot In Front of the Other” song and replace it with the Filthy Dukes‘ “Messages”.

See, this is the song used in the House Cleaning Montage scene from ROTN, the aforementioned “One Foot…”, by Bone Symphony:

And here is the Filthy Dukeseses’ (with, and I am sorry for this, another one of those “lets upload an MP3 with a dodgy graphic to YouTube” videos) “Messages”:

So, in summation, go buy the Filthy Dukes record “Nonsense In The Dark”, it is my current favourite and I want it to be yours too.

It’s something mysterious.

Friday, April 10th, 2009

Years ago, in 2006 to be precise, I made a general statement that 1986 was the single greatest year for movies and music.

And I still believe it. So I am going to post the list that I created in ’06 to prove that ’86 was the best.

And here it is. Right here. Wait, I mean here.

Read it, argue it, experience it.

I’m feeling pretty damn hard done by.

Thursday, April 9th, 2009

I have a terrible confession.

I am in love.

Completely head over heals in love. That in itself is not terrible, but what is terrible is it that I haven’t told the subject of my affections how I feel about her (and yes, she is a girl, a real-life human female).

I love Lily Allen.

Everyone Loves Lily Allen (including me)

Everyone Loves Lily Allen

As in, I am in love with her. I want to walk down the street and just hold her hand, maybe share a hot chocolate and laugh and giggle at the other couples we see each day.

I would take her back to mine, attempt to cook her something complicated, but just end up drinking a bottle or two of fine plonk and talking total bollocks until she falls asleep with her head in my lap.

They I would carry her to bed, and whisper that I love her, and not just because her dad can introduce me to New Order.

Then I would fall asleep and dream of Katy Perry.

This is what the world is for.

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

A friend online acquaintance I met through a friend who I met via a website that is a figment of my imagination asked if she should go see MGMT when they tour where she is.

I said no.

Now, this online acquaintance is a very pretty young thing.  A wonderful, youthful spring flower of a bud of a woman, but she will be like a grandmotherly old crone compared to all the blonde tipped little wankers who are there to hear one fucking song they downloaded off whatever P2P site fucking little blonde tipped wankers use these days, and they will think the song is called something else because the ID3 tags are all messed up and then I will end up in jail she will end up being arrested for stabbing 5 or 6 of the little blonde tipped fuckers in a blind rage.

I don’t want to sound all “damn kids, get off my lawn” and I know it was no different for the elderly hating us young ones  when I was going to shows as a youth, but I don’t remember people being so completely fuckwitty about music back then.  I don’t remember the majority of people going to concerts only going because it was a social event they were expected to attend, they went because they liked the bands or their friends liked the bands. It was all about the music, man.

Whinge, moan, complain, whine, groan etc.

P.S. MGMT are great, but they have become over saturated. I bet you can’t make it all the way through this.