No Faith, Men, No More Faith No More.


It’s a New Year. And it has apparently been a new year for quite a while. Three months, I see. I should stay in more. That way I would have more time to blog about the things I haven’t been getting up to. Instead, I have been getting up to things.

“Oh”, you ask, “what sort of things? Interesting things? Exciting things? Things I might want to read about?”

Well, I have just gotten back from Melbourne, the city I love and want to move to. And before that I was in Sydney. And before that I was in Buenos Aires (which I hated more than microwaved steak). And before that I was in Ushuaia (which is just lovely) and before that I believe I was on Antarctica.

Antarctica? Yep. Sure was. Snow, ice and stinking penguins. Are you aware of how bad those lil’ fuckers smell? Because they smell horrid, terrible, revolting, disgusting and putrid. Damn cute, though.


So, why was I on Antarctica? Well, I was the +1 on an adventure cruise my mmmMother booked. And whilst the average age of the cruise goer was about a million, and the only people my age were a married couple who argued a lot and a New Yorker, I did manage to make friends and enjoy the social aspect of things. But the real fun was had on Zodiacs and on the Antarctic continent itself. Oh, and it helped that the people running the thing were fun, interesting and in more than once case, very, very cute.

But, I will leave Antarctica alone for the moment as there are diary entries to be read and reviewed and turned into something worthy of writing down, and this update is not that place.

This update is the place where I tell you about Faith No More. If you were alive in 1993 and not a moron, you may be aware that they were the single greatest rock band of their era. Yes, I know, they ushered in the age of the rap/nu-metal rape of civilisation, but whilst those that followed them were crass, unimaginative and horrid, Faith No More were amazing. Great, thumping bass lines, fantastic drumming, wonderfully out-of-place keyboards and screeching guitar* riffs**, all topped off with the single greatest voice to ever grace rock music. Ever. I dare you to even suggest someone in modern rock who can approach how great Mike Patton is. And that’s even before you tackle his range, his songwriting skills and how much he likes to take his cock out at shows.

Anyway, back when I was a Young Man, half a life time ago (sadly, true) I really liked Faith No More. King for a Day… Fool for a Lifetime was one of my two favourite albums. I completely loved the fuck out of it. And when they put out Album of the Year and toured it around Australia, I just had to go and see them.

And I did. And it was great. Even getting some girl’s steel-capped Doc in my temple and falling to the ground unable to breath (for a few moments) was worth it.

And then they broke up. Which was sad. Because as much as I love Mr Bungle and Fantômas and Imperial Teen and Tomahawk and Peeping Tom nothing came quite as close to perfection as Faith No More did. Nothing.

So I pushed them to the back of my mind for a few years, until I got out King for a Day… Fool for a Lifetime from my CD rack*** one day and started listening to it again. It got the point that I would carry the entire Nine Inch Nails back catalogue around with me, and King for a Day… Fool for a Lifetime. I once wrote a short story that only used lyrics from Faith No More songs as dialogue. They may not have been still around, but they were still having an impact on me and those poor saps who had to read my poor fiction.

Then, one day, they announced they were reforming. And I was happy. And then they announced they were only playing festival dates in Europe. And I was disappointed. And then my friend said she was going to the UK and Europe to see them AND Nine Inch Nails play. And I wanted to murder her quietly in her sleep.

And then, they announced they were playing the Soundwave Festival here in Australia. I went to Soundwave 09 because Nine Inch Nails were playing, and lets just say that as great as the music was, the festival itself had a lot of shortcomings, all of which I was later told was the result of the venue, Eastern Creek Raceway in Sydney. I had intended to see the Melbourne shows too, but for reasons that are too pathetic, I didn’t.

But, FAITH NO MORE! So I bought tickets to both the Sydney and Melbourne festivals. And I was happy. Then when I was in New Zealand, the band announced sideshows, so I had to ask the friend (who I thankfully hadn’t murdered in her sleep) to get me tickets to those. And she did. Because she is pretty awesome and is no longer in any real danger of being murdered by me.

Those shows all took place in the past week, so I have been totally and utterly fucking tired from lacking in sleep and still trying to go to work each day. But, I did get to see Faith No More four times, Neil Hamburger once, and Eagles of Death Metal three times. All such very good things. And I now can say that Soundwave is great, Eastern Creek is shit. The Melbourne Showgrounds were amazingly well sorted out, and the venue really makes a mockery of how crap the Eastern Creeks facilities were.

Now, are you familiar with Chatroulette? No? Really? Should I explain it or are you familiar with Google? Because I think you should Google it if you don’t know what it is. I’ll be here when you get back.



Right, well at the Melbourne Soundwave show, Faith No More had Chatroulette setup on stage so they could broadcast/stream their show to randoms. And so they did.

Here is some footage I took of it:

The crowd goes nuts at one point because there was a guy in just a penis pump making perfect penis pump circles with his gyrating penis. Tops!

In summary, FAITH NO MORE!

* Proto-hipser-glasses wearing guitarist who was famously fired via fax.
** Current shredder.
*** The flat surface that surrounds my TV, and it only contains CDs and DVDs, no cases.

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