As a modern day male with a full time job, I am no longer able to spend every waking moment playing GTA or Half-Life 2 or Sensible World of Soccer. I would very much like to be able to, but I can’t. I can’t carry my Xbox 360 and Wii around with me either, so my gaming is “on the move”. This used to mean I carried a Nintendo DS around with me, but I was too ashamed to use it in public, which means the lion’s share of my game time is spent on the iPhone.

Which means I have bought many (too many, in fact) iPhone games. And a bunch of them have been total shit.

Some, however, have been great. They are:

Flight Control – Draw lines to make planes not crash.
Real Racing – Drive fast cars on a race track, fast.
Wolf3d – Force yourself to remember how small a window you had to play this in when it came out, then realise the iPhone screen is about the same size. Wonder, out loud, how far we have come.
Grunts – Cannon. Fucking. Fodder (minus the theme song).
Pinball Dreams – Hey, I had an Amiga. It was rad on there, it’s rad on here.
(I was going to put up links to the iTunes Store, but Apple can go suck a fuck right now, but if they stop being dickholes soon, I will re-consider).

Of the others, well, read my review of the re-re-release of Monkey Island to understand how I feel. Go on, do it. It’s below. Or click here.

But I am too busy to give a fat flying fuckstain about how I am being unfair to Monkey Island, I feel that with a mobile platform like the iPhone (and the cheap prices of the games), if a game doesn’t get it’s hooks into me early, or has an off-putting control scheme, I will just ditch it.

So, first off, Space Invaders Infinite Gene – Ignore anything you know about the great-granddaddy of shooters and just buy this game. Do it. It has this amazing vector look, sounds great and controls well. And it changes how you think about Space Invaders.

So, second off, Civilisation Revolution. I downloaded the Lite version. Then I deleted it. Helpful hint, if it takes 3 fucking second for an “OK” button to register a press, don’t expect the rest of the game to move at all. This thing looks great, sounds brilliant, plays like underwater squash. Ignore. Ignore.

Or just wait till they come out with an update that works.