Archive for the ‘Arts & Entertainment’ Category

Something I’m not sure of.

Saturday, May 15th, 2010

So, I have a new job. Well, I mean, I started a new job two weeks ago and this is my first day since starting that hasn’t gone 100%.

“But, threeze”, I hear you ask, “Isn’t it Saturday there? Why are you working on a Saturday?”. Well, dear loud-mouthed reader, I am not working. I am at the house of The Parents waiting patiently for the convertible car I borrowed to dry out, as it developed a bit of a leaky roof and flooded. As I was meant to be using it to travel inter-state today, it has taken the shine off what was a lovely day.

But, as they say, every cloud is a bastard just waiting for you to not notice him before opening the taps on your new suit, there is a silver lining here. My new job is actually quite demanding, and as such, I haven’t had a chance to catch up on my blog reading, twitter or anything of those other things I used to fill in an eight-hour workday with. And I have been coming home so exhausted, I’ve been watching the idiot box and nothing else. Which means sitting here on my back side all day has given me the chance to catch up on things. And one of the things I did catch up on was How To Destroy Angels, which I knew about, just didn’t know much about. See, I figured it was a collaboration between Mr and Mrs Trent Reznor. And it is. And they have a single out.

And it is here.

And they have a video out, for another song, and it is here:

No Faith, Men, No More Faith No More.

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010


It’s a New Year. And it has apparently been a new year for quite a while. Three months, I see. I should stay in more. That way I would have more time to blog about the things I haven’t been getting up to. Instead, I have been getting up to things.

“Oh”, you ask, “what sort of things? Interesting things? Exciting things? Things I might want to read about?”

Well, I have just gotten back from Melbourne, the city I love and want to move to. And before that I was in Sydney. And before that I was in Buenos Aires (which I hated more than microwaved steak). And before that I was in Ushuaia (which is just lovely) and before that I believe I was on Antarctica.

Antarctica? Yep. Sure was. Snow, ice and stinking penguins. Are you aware of how bad those lil’ fuckers smell? Because they smell horrid, terrible, revolting, disgusting and putrid. Damn cute, though.


So, why was I on Antarctica? Well, I was the +1 on an adventure cruise my mmmMother booked. And whilst the average age of the cruise goer was about a million, and the only people my age were a married couple who argued a lot and a New Yorker, I did manage to make friends and enjoy the social aspect of things. But the real fun was had on Zodiacs and on the Antarctic continent itself. Oh, and it helped that the people running the thing were fun, interesting and in more than once case, very, very cute.

But, I will leave Antarctica alone for the moment as there are diary entries to be read and reviewed and turned into something worthy of writing down, and this update is not that place.

This update is the place where I tell you about Faith No More. If you were alive in 1993 and not a moron, you may be aware that they were the single greatest rock band of their era. Yes, I know, they ushered in the age of the rap/nu-metal rape of civilisation, but whilst those that followed them were crass, unimaginative and horrid, Faith No More were amazing. Great, thumping bass lines, fantastic drumming, wonderfully out-of-place keyboards and screeching guitar* riffs**, all topped off with the single greatest voice to ever grace rock music. Ever. I dare you to even suggest someone in modern rock who can approach how great Mike Patton is. And that’s even before you tackle his range, his songwriting skills and how much he likes to take his cock out at shows.

Anyway, back when I was a Young Man, half a life time ago (sadly, true) I really liked Faith No More. King for a Day… Fool for a Lifetime was one of my two favourite albums. I completely loved the fuck out of it. And when they put out Album of the Year and toured it around Australia, I just had to go and see them.

And I did. And it was great. Even getting some girl’s steel-capped Doc in my temple and falling to the ground unable to breath (for a few moments) was worth it.

And then they broke up. Which was sad. Because as much as I love Mr Bungle and Fantômas and Imperial Teen and Tomahawk and Peeping Tom nothing came quite as close to perfection as Faith No More did. Nothing.

So I pushed them to the back of my mind for a few years, until I got out King for a Day… Fool for a Lifetime from my CD rack*** one day and started listening to it again. It got the point that I would carry the entire Nine Inch Nails back catalogue around with me, and King for a Day… Fool for a Lifetime. I once wrote a short story that only used lyrics from Faith No More songs as dialogue. They may not have been still around, but they were still having an impact on me and those poor saps who had to read my poor fiction.

Then, one day, they announced they were reforming. And I was happy. And then they announced they were only playing festival dates in Europe. And I was disappointed. And then my friend said she was going to the UK and Europe to see them AND Nine Inch Nails play. And I wanted to murder her quietly in her sleep.

And then, they announced they were playing the Soundwave Festival here in Australia. I went to Soundwave 09 because Nine Inch Nails were playing, and lets just say that as great as the music was, the festival itself had a lot of shortcomings, all of which I was later told was the result of the venue, Eastern Creek Raceway in Sydney. I had intended to see the Melbourne shows too, but for reasons that are too pathetic, I didn’t.

But, FAITH NO MORE! So I bought tickets to both the Sydney and Melbourne festivals. And I was happy. Then when I was in New Zealand, the band announced sideshows, so I had to ask the friend (who I thankfully hadn’t murdered in her sleep) to get me tickets to those. And she did. Because she is pretty awesome and is no longer in any real danger of being murdered by me.

Those shows all took place in the past week, so I have been totally and utterly fucking tired from lacking in sleep and still trying to go to work each day. But, I did get to see Faith No More four times, Neil Hamburger once, and Eagles of Death Metal three times. All such very good things. And I now can say that Soundwave is great, Eastern Creek is shit. The Melbourne Showgrounds were amazingly well sorted out, and the venue really makes a mockery of how crap the Eastern Creeks facilities were.

Now, are you familiar with Chatroulette? No? Really? Should I explain it or are you familiar with Google? Because I think you should Google it if you don’t know what it is. I’ll be here when you get back.



Right, well at the Melbourne Soundwave show, Faith No More had Chatroulette setup on stage so they could broadcast/stream their show to randoms. And so they did.

Here is some footage I took of it:

The crowd goes nuts at one point because there was a guy in just a penis pump making perfect penis pump circles with his gyrating penis. Tops!

In summary, FAITH NO MORE!

* Proto-hipser-glasses wearing guitarist who was famously fired via fax.
** Current shredder.
*** The flat surface that surrounds my TV, and it only contains CDs and DVDs, no cases.

If there’s an answer, I don’t know it.

Friday, May 22nd, 2009

I like Depeche Mode. I like Synthpop. I like Northern Lite.

Please to be enjoying “Please”:

Flock of sheep out on display.

Friday, May 1st, 2009

Back in the mists of time, there was a man. A man of morals, of wit and humour. A man with a VideoEzy account and a desire to watch terrible, terrible b-movies. And this man, he had a friend.

This is their story of how they once hired Robot Jox and how it changed their lives forever. Crash and burn, everyone, crash and burn.


Right, back in the 1990s I was a bit of a film geek. People who know me now might ask “What’s changed?”. Well, a lot. For one, I hate going to the cinema these days. Really hate it. It’s not just that the small indie places closed down and the only places to see moves are multiplexes and how that means more people watching more shitty films, all there just because they have no reason to be anywhere else – it’s that I no longer enjoy the process, the ceremony of attending the movies. It used to be an event, where friends and I would plan a night out around going to the “flicks”. The thing is, I get more enjoyment at home watching a DVD on a nice big telly now than I do going to the “pictures” (although I don’t mind going to Dendy as I can have a beer or three to dull my anxiety).

Oh, and I hate ordering a small drink and being told they only have Large, Extra-large and American sizes. I might be a bit slow, but to me, if you only offer three sizes, then then one that holds the least amount of fluid is the small one. And paying $7 for badly popped corn. And the seats. And the people. And the lack of interesting films.


Ignoring the above, continuing with my story of hiring of a VHS tape and watching it at home (or, as it turned out, my friend’s home).

Back in the 1990s I was a bit of a film geek I used to hire a lot of movies and films (movies are pure entertainment, films are entertainment to be discussed afterwards over a coffee and a black cigarette). Lots. I had accounts at half a dozen video stores so that no matter where I was in my pre-car owning days I was only a short walk from a video tape repository. I used to hire classics like:

  • D.A.R.Y.L.
  • Back to the Future 1 & 2
  • Taxi Driver
  • Beverly Hills Cop
  • Escape from New York
  • The Ice Pirates
  • RoboCop
  • They Call Me Bruce?
  • Army of Darkness
  • Flight of the Navigator
  • Blade Runner
  • The Goonies
  • Star Wars/Empire Strikes Back
  • Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
  • Brazil
  • The Stunt Man
  • The Man With Two Brains

(can you tell I was one of the popular kids at school?)

And I would also hire the films with the worst looking cases. The ones that you just knew were going to suck. Like:

  • Brain Dead/DeadAlive (actually one of the best movies I have ever seen, better than the swords & sorcery muck that Peter Jackson has made since)
  • Troll
  • Up the Creek (doesn’t suck so much as it doesn’t deliver what a horny early teen/mid teen/late teen/old man needs)
  • Cherry 2000 (looked like crap on the box, turns out to be pretty sensational)
  • Puppet Master
  • The Class of Nuke ‘Em High
  • Eliminators
  • Re-Animator

and Robot Jox.

The weird thing is, back then I wouldn’t have been able to look at that second list and tell you any of the films had anything in common – apart from the fact I had really low expectations for them. But today I can tell you that there is a link between Troll, Puppet Master, Eliminators, Re-Animator and Robot Jox.

That link? Charles Band.

You go read that Wikipedia page as it will tell you more about the man than I can/want to. And it will likely tell you with less swears and poorly thought out puns and metaphors and similes and smilies and shit I can’t think of a way to tie them all up like a Girl Guide on rope-tying day ;)

Back to the main gist of my point of my story. My friend and I hired Robot Jox. A film where war has been replaced with a spectator sport consisting of poorly developed giant robots piloted by barely protected and illiterate “jox” beating the ever living snot/shit/wind out of each other.

It was horrible.

We loved it. We laughed at it. We greeted each other with “crash and burn” (a phrase that gets overused in the film) for at least, well, a day. We even tracked down the semi-sequel Crash and Burn. We didn’t do it intentionally and until recently I didn’t know the two films were actually related. I had just assumed one ripped off the other but we saw it in the video store, thought, hmm that looks like Robot Jox and off we went. We watched maybe 15 minutes of it.

So, whilst I can’t remember anything of substance of Crash and Burn I can remember details about Robot Jox as if I only watched it again yesterday. Because I just watched it again yesterday. And you know what, it doesn’t suck as much as it did. The giant robots look silly, the stop motion is painful at times and I can’t get over the lack of thought that went into the design of the pilot’s cockpit area, but overall it was a considerably better film than I remembered it being.

That being said, I cannot recommend that anyone ever watch any of it.

Here are some highlights:

And, here is the trailer:

P.S. Doesn’t the main character just seen like Billy Bob Thornton’s younger, handsomer and more talented older brother?

A walk in the park can become a bad dream.

Thursday, April 30th, 2009

My imaginary friends will have already seen this (or at least they should have) but it is just great. And full of the best kinda words – swears.

Down, down, down.

Tuesday, April 21st, 2009

If they ever make another theatrical Revenge of the Nerds film or, fuck it, they just remake the first film (which I am sure is happening as I type this although, shockingly, a quick check of the IMDb seems to suggest it isn’t), they should ditch that “One Foot In Front of the Other” song and replace it with the Filthy Dukes‘ “Messages”.

See, this is the song used in the House Cleaning Montage scene from ROTN, the aforementioned “One Foot…”, by Bone Symphony:

And here is the Filthy Dukeseses’ (with, and I am sorry for this, another one of those “lets upload an MP3 with a dodgy graphic to YouTube” videos) “Messages”:

So, in summation, go buy the Filthy Dukes record “Nonsense In The Dark”, it is my current favourite and I want it to be yours too.

I’m feeling pretty damn hard done by.

Thursday, April 9th, 2009

I have a terrible confession.

I am in love.

Completely head over heals in love. That in itself is not terrible, but what is terrible is it that I haven’t told the subject of my affections how I feel about her (and yes, she is a girl, a real-life human female).

I love Lily Allen.

Everyone Loves Lily Allen (including me)

Everyone Loves Lily Allen

As in, I am in love with her. I want to walk down the street and just hold her hand, maybe share a hot chocolate and laugh and giggle at the other couples we see each day.

I would take her back to mine, attempt to cook her something complicated, but just end up drinking a bottle or two of fine plonk and talking total bollocks until she falls asleep with her head in my lap.

They I would carry her to bed, and whisper that I love her, and not just because her dad can introduce me to New Order.

Then I would fall asleep and dream of Katy Perry.

Fist. Fuck.

Monday, March 9th, 2009

At the risk of turning this into a reblogging site for My Favourite Band, I share with you the following – Nine Inch Nails with Dillinger Escape Plan doing what can only be described as a fucking amazing version of Wish, live at the Soundwave Festival in Perth, Western Oz.

As much as I enjoyed seeing NIN this year, I wish I had seen them do something as fantastically cool as this. Oh well, guess I should sell a kidney and go see them, Metallica Placebo and Faith No More in Austria.

Everything they whispered in our ear, is coming true.

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

No lights in the sky. Or power on the stage.

I might like Tarantino, but sometimes you’ve got to wonder.

Friday, February 13th, 2009

Back when I was in school I used to be quite good at making short (yet crappy) animations. I did really well in my Media studies classes and I ended up studying film and drama at University (or College, for my American cousins).

I used to write, make and be involved in short film. I had a monthly short film night at one of the better indie clubs. I used to enjoy every aspect of films, from paying to see them, to talking about them, to reading up about every smallest trivial aspect of them.

Then it stopped being fun. Or so I thought.

Turns out I stopped being fun, because if I had still been fun I would have made the following short animation (which I cannot recommend anyone view):

P.S. The above is very not safe for work/school/home/anywhere.