Trick = threeze, threeze = Trick.

Why? Well, so I can add the new Twitter widget that I have or attempted to add to this blog.

Why? Because I like Twitter. That should be enough.

I like The Twitter. A lot. I enjoy the simple fact that it’s very simpleness means the uses for it are limited only by what people think to do with it.

Unfortunately, some people have thought to spam with it, and whilst the way Twitter works means that the spam is not as obvious as it is in e-mail, it’s still something I don’t want nothing anything to do with.

So, when one of the (really smart guys) I follow on Twitter mentioned that he had come up with Blocky I jumped on his site to have a look. It’s a crowd-sourcing spam black-list that, when you log into it, uses that black-list to search through your list of followers and blocks any suspected spammers for you.  Which is neat.

At the moment, the black-list is quite short, but as soon as more and more people log in and start nominating and then voting on spammers (just nominating a suspected spammer is not enough to add them to the list) the list will likely grow.

Things I am currently hating on, a list:

• Advertisements that state “overseas model”. If you want to sell your phone/car/dildo here, either make the ad here or sell us a non-crippled model. I am going to start boycotting all brands that do this.
• @swear_bot on twitter.
• Vodafone Australia and their inability to make Visual Voicemail work.
• Vodafone Australia and their blaming me for Visual Voicemail not working.
• Vodafone Australia telling me to be more patient whilst they try and make Visual Voicemail work.
• Overseas call centres.
• Local call centres.
• Pre vs. iPhone articles.
• Inability to purchase/download Pandora, Kindle, last.fm apps for iPhone here in Australia.
• No stone and mortar record stores stocking anything I want to purchase.
• Websites with lists on them.
• Getting the shits over minor annoyances like iPhones/Advertisements.
• Wankers who tailgate me in the wet and then attempt to overtake using the same lane I am in and who then spit abuse at me for not going faster than the speed limit. Did I mention it was pissing-down rain?

Right, I am going to find something to calm me the fuck down. G’night everybody.

I like Depeche Mode. I like Synthpop. I like Northern Lite.

Please to be enjoying “Please”:

Back in the mists of time, there was a man. A man of morals, of wit and humour. A man with a VideoEzy account and a desire to watch terrible, terrible b-movies. And this man, he had a friend.

This is their story of how they once hired Robot Jox and how it changed their lives forever. Crash and burn, everyone, crash and burn.

*cough*

Right, back in the 1990s I was a bit of a film geek. People who know me now might ask “What’s changed?”. Well, a lot. For one, I hate going to the cinema these days. Really hate it. It’s not just that the small indie places closed down and the only places to see moves are multiplexes and how that means more people watching more shitty films, all there just because they have no reason to be anywhere else – it’s that I no longer enjoy the process, the ceremony of attending the movies. It used to be an event, where friends and I would plan a night out around going to the “flicks”. The thing is, I get more enjoyment at home watching a DVD on a nice big telly now than I do going to the “pictures” (although I don’t mind going to Dendy as I can have a beer or three to dull my anxiety).

Oh, and I hate ordering a small drink and being told they only have Large, Extra-large and American sizes. I might be a bit slow, but to me, if you only offer three sizes, then then one that holds the least amount of fluid is the small one. And paying $7 for badly popped corn. And the seats. And the people. And the lack of interesting films.

*cough*

Ignoring the above, continuing with my story of hiring of a VHS tape and watching it at home (or, as it turned out, my friend’s home).

Back in the 1990s I was a bit of a film geek I used to hire a lot of movies and films (movies are pure entertainment, films are entertainment to be discussed afterwards over a coffee and a black cigarette). Lots. I had accounts at half a dozen video stores so that no matter where I was in my pre-car owning days I was only a short walk from a video tape repository. I used to hire classics like:

• D.A.R.Y.L.
• Back to the Future 1 & 2
• Taxi Driver
• Beverly Hills Cop
• Escape from New York
• The Ice Pirates
• RoboCop
• They Call Me Bruce?
• Army of Darkness
• Flight of the Navigator
• Blade Runner
• The Goonies
• Star Wars/Empire Strikes Back
• AKIRA
• Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
• Brazil
• The Stunt Man
• The Man With Two Brains

(can you tell I was one of the popular kids at school?)

And I would also hire the films with the worst looking cases. The ones that you just knew were going to suck. Like:

• Brain Dead/DeadAlive (actually one of the best movies I have ever seen, better than the swords & sorcery muck that Peter Jackson has made since)
• Troll
• Up the Creek (doesn’t suck so much as it doesn’t deliver what a horny early teen/mid teen/late teen/old man needs)
• Cherry 2000 (looked like crap on the box, turns out to be pretty sensational)
• Puppet Master
• The Class of Nuke ‘Em High
• Eliminators
• Re-Animator

and Robot Jox.

The weird thing is, back then I wouldn’t have been able to look at that second list and tell you any of the films had anything in common – apart from the fact I had really low expectations for them. But today I can tell you that there is a link between Troll, Puppet Master, Eliminators, Re-Animator and Robot Jox.

That link? Charles Band.

You go read that Wikipedia page as it will tell you more about the man than I can/want to. And it will likely tell you with less swears and poorly thought out puns and metaphors and similes and smilies and shit I can’t think of a way to tie them all up like a Girl Guide on rope-tying day

Back to the main gist of my point of my story. My friend and I hired Robot Jox. A film where war has been replaced with a spectator sport consisting of poorly developed giant robots piloted by barely protected and illiterate “jox” beating the ever living snot/shit/wind out of each other.

It was horrible.

We loved it. We laughed at it. We greeted each other with “crash and burn” (a phrase that gets overused in the film) for at least, well, a day. We even tracked down the semi-sequel Crash and Burn. We didn’t do it intentionally and until recently I didn’t know the two films were actually related. I had just assumed one ripped off the other but we saw it in the video store, thought, hmm that looks like Robot Jox and off we went. We watched maybe 15 minutes of it.

So, whilst I can’t remember anything of substance of Crash and Burn I can remember details about Robot Jox as if I only watched it again yesterday. Because I just watched it again yesterday. And you know what, it doesn’t suck as much as it did. The giant robots look silly, the stop motion is painful at times and I can’t get over the lack of thought that went into the design of the pilot’s cockpit area, but overall it was a considerably better film than I remembered it being.

That being said, I cannot recommend that anyone ever watch any of it.

Here are some highlights:

And, here is the trailer:

P.S. Doesn’t the main character just seen like Billy Bob Thornton’s younger, handsomer and more talented older brother?

My imaginary friends will have already seen this (or at least they should have) but it is just great. And full of the best kinda words – swears.

Ever wanted to pretend you are Robert De Niro but can’t stand the smell of semen on taxi seat vinyl?

Well, now you have an alternative.

Via the magic of the Internet (and a Korean translator) you can play-act as a returned Vietnam vet who aches to return to the days where the power of life (and death) was in your own hands. Of course, there is no real death, just the possible loss of your hearing.

I give (well, not give, more like show) you, Balloon Russian Roulette:

Apparently, there is a pin in only one of the revolting revolving chambers, so grab a friend, take a deep breath, and see which one of you is blown away.

via Geeky Gadgets.

Aposematism is about, and I am nicking this from Wikipedia, the warning markings that bumblebees and the like have. So, because of this, we associate certain colours (black, yellow and orange) in a particular way and it gets used on all sorts of warning signs to try and keep us safe from harm.

So, this bumblebee warns other animals not to eat or attack it:

This Bumblebee warns you about raping my childhood memories just to sell inferior toys:

These warnings should need no explanation:

Which then brings us to the most important device for warning us in these modern times:

Yep, the hi-ves vest/jacket.

It is a Godsend for the sane, gentle person who doesn’t want to deal with backward thinking, selfish, illiterate scum (no offence is intended to the models in the stolen pictures above, for all I know they know how to read).

When I see that reflective yellow or orange, I know not to expect original thought (or any thought for that matter) from the psuedo-person incased within. I can safely assume there will be a bunch of stickers approximating the Southern Cross* on the back of their car/truck/ute. I know his/her children’s names will be vowel-less versions of Braydon or Brooklyn.

And, I know I will have nothing in common with or to say to them apart from “Oi, you just ran that red light” or “Jesus Christ, there are two lanes for a reason, dipshit” or “FUCKING HELL DID YOU EVEN SEEN ME BEFORE YOU DID THAT?”, but only from the safety of my car.

* Stay tuned for the launch of my campaign to get the Southern Cross renamed The Bogan Stars

If they ever make another theatrical Revenge of the Nerds film or, fuck it, they just remake the first film (which I am sure is happening as I type this although, shockingly, a quick check of the IMDb seems to suggest it isn’t), they should ditch that “One Foot In Front of the Other” song and replace it with the Filthy Dukes‘ “Messages”.

See, this is the song used in the House Cleaning Montage scene from ROTN, the aforementioned “One Foot…”, by Bone Symphony:

And here is the Filthy Dukeseses’ (with, and I am sorry for this, another one of those “lets upload an MP3 with a dodgy graphic to YouTube” videos) “Messages”:

So, in summation, go buy the Filthy Dukes record “Nonsense In The Dark”, it is my current favourite and I want it to be yours too.

Years ago, in 2006 to be precise, I made a general statement that 1986 was the single greatest year for movies and music.

And I still believe it. So I am going to post the list that I created in ‘06 to prove that ‘86 was the best.

And here it is. Right here. Wait, I mean here.

Read it, argue it, experience it.